Opinions for Nothing

Call for Opinions: What do grown-ups do for fun?

Jamie asks:

My husband and I have discovered that we are the most boring people on earth. With every day being a 12-hour workday we don’t have a lot of free time, but what little we have, we have no idea what to do with. When we were younger we loved to go out and party, but we’ve outgrown it. And we never replaced these activities with anything else. Also, all of our friends have either had kids or never grew up, so we don’t really associate with anyone anymore.

So, basically we have no friends (we both work at the same place and everyone here is either way older than us, or has kids, or is weird or all of the above) and no hobbies. All we do is sit and stare at each other going “What do you wanna do? I don’t know, what do YOU wanna do?”

Is there some sort of match-making site for couples in their late 20’s-early 30’s to meet other lame people with no friends? If not, there should be. It’s hard to make friends as an adult.

Anyone have any suggestions for hobbies? We are not athletic and are both very accident prone, so anything with sharp pointy things (like darts) or heavy things (like bowling) or physical activity (like, um, sports) is not good. Also, anything that takes a long time (we have no attention span), or involves weirdos (like Renaissance fairs or Civil War Re-enactment) is out.

This is a good topic, about which I have surprisingly few opinions. My husband and I watch TV, go to the movies, and hand out with family (I have lots) and friends (we have few). We don't have tons of free time, though. We both have long commutes. We have two small children. I am taking MBA classes. I have to blog, and tweet, and post reviews on Yelp or the world will end. My husband plays online games. We're both fat because we don't exercise.

Anybody have some ideas for Jamie?

Can people change?

One of my relatives recently left her husband (again) and my sister and I were discussing the situation. I feel like our relative should divorce him already and cut her losses. My sister feels like our relative hasn't yet tried everything and should give him another chance to change his behavior. I said to my sister that I don't believe people change.

I don't believe that people can fundamentally change who they are. My sister agrees with that, but she does think that people can change their behavior. In the case of our relative, and in most marriages, if one spouse has left before and been fed up before, the douchey spouse saying he is really going to change this time seems like it is just a ploy because he knows she'll stay if he pretends. If he was really willing to change - if it was part of his fundamental nature to do so - he would have already done so.

This is what my sister says about it:

I believe whole-heartedly in the capacity for regeneration of the human heart. The difference is that while our personalities are fixed from conception, our behaviors are learned and can therefore be unlearned or retrained.  I do concede that apart from love, grace and forgiveness, it is an exercise in futility. One has to want to change and be willing to do the work to go after it.

In the case presented, if the parties involved are willing to admit their own part in the situation, forgive one hundred percent of the other person's part and move forward with love and grace.  There is no damage (and I mean none) that cannot be repaired and restored to an even greater level than before.

What do you think? Can people change?