Opinions for Nothing

SOYJOY is No Joy

I tried a SOYJOY bar for the first time today. Let me save you some money; SOYJOY bars are gross. I tried the Peanut Chocolate Chip and the Apple Walnut. They tasted surprisingly similar, but one was peanut scented and the other was apple scented. They looked like those kindling sticks you buy in bundles for your fireplace and tasted just as dry. Don't waste your money or your caloric allotment on a SOYJOY bar.

These bars were provided to me free of charge at the SOYJOY booth at the Head to Toe Women's Expo.

Why is Pinkberry so popular?

I had Pinkberry frozen yogurt for the first time at work. A coworker didn't want one that someone had brought for him so he gave it to me. I thought it was just OK but I chalked it up to the fact that I hadn't chosen the flavor or the toppings. Today, I had Pinkberry again. It is weirdly tart and thin. Why does it have to be so weird? Why can't it just be normal?

Should you become a wine snob?

Amy asks:

When I drink I'm totally going for the buzz factor. When I'm out I even try to calculate bang for buck sometimes. My question is, should I make an attempt to learn more about alcohol because I'm not a 19 year old frat boy and should start acting like an adult someday? Should I learn what wine goes with which meat or just stick with the fact that a glass of wine may sometimes be the key to my sanity?

I may not be the best person to ask about this because I do not like wine, but you know I have an opinion about it anyway. I don't think you should bother to learn which wine goes best with what. What you should do instead is always ask your server or the sommelier for a suggestion and then just order the cheapest option they suggest.

That said, if you are going for the buzz factor, you need to lay off the wine and switch to the hard stuff. I recently learned that I like a gina and tonic with lime. Ordering that is much classier than ordering my usual Malibu rum and diet Coke.

I love Twitter; it just got me cake.

@talleyklotz posted:

Omg!! We just met Chrystal of @KissMyBundt in West LA. She is amazing & so r her bundts! Thank u for talking to us for so long!

I'd heard of this place, but I hadn't been since it is a bit far from the office for a lunchtime jaunt. I clicked on their link and read some of their tweets. When I got to the one about pineapple upside down cake being on the menu today, I texted Amy (@talleyklotz) as fast as I possibly could to ask her if she would get one for me if she was still there. I think she had already left but had purchased a mini bundt in that flavor that she would save just for me. End result is the same: Twitter got me cake.

How to Quit Caffeine

I think this advice originally came from Joanne who heard it from a coworker. I love diet soda, so I have used this method several times. I quit caffeine but then my love for diet soda calls me back and I am not diligent about buying decaffeinated soda, so my caffeine addiction returns as well.

Anyway, this method is easy. It only has two steps.

1. Reduce your caffeine intake to one caffeinated drink per day, in the morning, for a week.

2. No more caffeine at all once the week is up.

Even if I had let myself get up to many caffeinated drinks throughout the day, one caffeinated drink in the morning is enough to stave off a headache for the whole day. After a week of that, my caffeine dependence is so low that I can quit altogether without getting a caffeine headache.

PETA Wants Ben & Jerry's to Use Human Breast Milk in Ice Cream

PETA (People for the Ethical Treament of Animals) needs to knock off the bullshit. I don't care about 99% of the shenanigans they pull for the sake of gaining exposure, but now they have gone too far. PETA has asked Ben & Jerry's to use human breast milk instead of cow's milk in their ice cream. PETA says the health of humans and cows will benefit.

The biggest problem that I see with this asinine suggestion is that there isn't exactly a surplus of human breast milk in the United States. If there were a surplus, it would obviously be better used by all the preemies in the NICUs across the country. If there were still a surplus after that, it would be better used by every other baby in the country who is not being breastfed for whatever reason.

It's not like I was ever onboard with PETA's bullshit before, but now I actively despise them.

Orville Redenbacher's Kettle Korn

I love kettle corn. It is my absolute favorite fair food (meat on a stick is a close second, with funnel cake rounding out the top three). I was pleasantly surprised by how tasty Orville Redenbacher's Kettle Korn is. I wasn't sure how good it would be coming from the microwave, but I think the fact that I just polished off an entire bag on my own is a testament to its deliciousness.

The husband wins major points for bringing me this surprise from his solo shopping trip.

Oprah's 21-Day Cleanse

I hear Oprah did a 21-day cleanse diet. I am a little late to the party because I had our satellite TV service turned off over four months ago. I heard about this on dooce.com. Heather was trying out the cleanse. She lasted about a week before she caved to the detox sickies. Her friend, Carol, had the same experience.

I had a similar experience a few years ago when I did a 37-day juice fast with my husband. I lost about 30 lbs. and I felt like crap the entire time. I eventually gained all the weight back, and more, because I didn't change one single thing about my habits. I have tried about once a year since then to either do another juice fast or switch to a raw food diet, with little success each time.

Still, I would recommend an extended juice fast to anyone. Why? I have been sick only three times since that juice fast. I didn't escape two of the flu seasons and I caught a cold a couple months ago that the baby brought home from daycare. Even the subsequent failed attempts were each long enough to be considered an annual maintenance fast.*

I didn't have an exceptionally strong immune system before the juice fast, but I do now. Even that cold I caught from the baby was because I was tempting fate. She had it for four weeks before I finally caught it, because I wouldn't stop kissing her on the mouth.

Compared to the juice fasts and the raw food diets we have done in the past, Oprah's cleanse, which eliminates caffeine, sugar, alcohol, gluten and animal products from your diet for up to 21 days, is child's play. You get cooked food! You can have sweet potato fries! After reading through Oprah's blog about it and my own blog about my past attempts, I think I am going to give a mostly raw diet another chance. The version of a raw food diet we tried in 2005 actually sounds pretty good again.

*A full detox fast is your age plus 17 days long. Each year after that, you should do a 1-2 week fast.

Stale Coffee Smell

Blaugra asks:

I just started drinking regular coffee. Up until age 40 I only drank frothy espresso drinks. Now I need the full caffeinated sensation. And now I have coffee breath. I drink water, chew gum, practice good oral hygiene but I still think I smell like stale coffee. Is this the way it's going to be if I drink coffee every day? Should I ask other people if I smell? What if they tell me I don't smell like coffee but, for example, pet urine?

I am not sure if you were expecting a more in-depth opinion but, yes, you should ask other people if you smell like stale coffee. Obviously, you should ask someone whom you trust to tell you the truth. It would probably help if the person was not a coffee drinker. If you didn't live clear across the country, I'd sniff you.

Regarding your last question, if you did smell like pet urine, wouldn't you want to know that, too?

Ben & Jerry's New Creme Brulee Ice Cream

It's the shit. Ben & Jerry's new Creme Brulee ice cream is so delicious, but so sweet. I cannot down a whole pint in one evening, which is actually a very good reason for me stick to only this flavor from now on.