Opinions for Nothing

Call for Opinions: What do grown-ups do for fun?

Jamie asks:

My husband and I have discovered that we are the most boring people on earth. With every day being a 12-hour workday we don’t have a lot of free time, but what little we have, we have no idea what to do with. When we were younger we loved to go out and party, but we’ve outgrown it. And we never replaced these activities with anything else. Also, all of our friends have either had kids or never grew up, so we don’t really associate with anyone anymore.

So, basically we have no friends (we both work at the same place and everyone here is either way older than us, or has kids, or is weird or all of the above) and no hobbies. All we do is sit and stare at each other going “What do you wanna do? I don’t know, what do YOU wanna do?”

Is there some sort of match-making site for couples in their late 20’s-early 30’s to meet other lame people with no friends? If not, there should be. It’s hard to make friends as an adult.

Anyone have any suggestions for hobbies? We are not athletic and are both very accident prone, so anything with sharp pointy things (like darts) or heavy things (like bowling) or physical activity (like, um, sports) is not good. Also, anything that takes a long time (we have no attention span), or involves weirdos (like Renaissance fairs or Civil War Re-enactment) is out.

This is a good topic, about which I have surprisingly few opinions. My husband and I watch TV, go to the movies, and hand out with family (I have lots) and friends (we have few). We don't have tons of free time, though. We both have long commutes. We have two small children. I am taking MBA classes. I have to blog, and tweet, and post reviews on Yelp or the world will end. My husband plays online games. We're both fat because we don't exercise.

Anybody have some ideas for Jamie?

Disciplining Other People's Children

I confess. I discipline other people's children. Family, friends, strangers. It's a reflex. I don't think twice about doing it and I don't feel any remorse for having done it.

Last night, I had dinner at Souplantation with Amy, from Parenting with Duct Tape, her 10-year-old, her 2-year-old, and my 2-year-old. I came back to the table with a blueberry muffin. I gave my toddler half. She shared a little with Amy's toddler. Amy asked her daughter if she would like a blueberry muffin, too. Her daughter nodded and demanded, "Get me blueberry muffin!"

I immediately responded with, "Excuse me, you need to say, 'Please,'" which is exactly what I would have said to my own daughter. It wasn't until later that evening, or maybe even the next morning, that I realized I had disciplined someone else's kid right in front of her and wondered if she had been offended. As I said, I don't feel any remorse for having done it, but it did make me wonder why I do it.

My large extended family is filled with cousins, aunts, and uncles. Growing up, we all lived in the same town and everyone congregated at my grandmother's house. There was always some mix of kids and adults around. If you were a kid, you were expected to listen to any adult present and you could expect to be disciplined by any adult present. It's still that way in my family. If I ask my cousins' kids or my nieces and nephews to do something, I expect them to do it. If I see them doing something they shouldn't, they should expect me to respond to it.

The kids play area at the mall is the worst. Inattentive mothers let loose their tiny hooligans and glue their eyes to their iPhones. My polite, friendly, small-for-her-age toddler doesn't stand a chance against some of those beasts. It's not like I'd put someone else's kid in a time-out or beat the ass of a deserving mini-thug, but I will point a finger and say in a slightly-too-loud, stern voice, "Watch it!" I will also follow that up with a distasteful look at the mother in case my tone caused her to look up to see what sort of trouble her future criminal has gotten himself into now.

I haven't asked Amy if it bothers her if I discipline her children. (I didn't even tell her I was posting this.) I don't think she requires my assistance and I don't think her children require additional discipline. As I said, it's reflexive, and I don't plan to stop.

Sesame Street: 40 Years of Sunny Days - DVD Review

I am not going to beat around the bush with this review. I LOVE Sesame Street: 40 Years of Sunny Days. It is everything I was hoping Sesame Street - Old School would be, but wasn't. I found Old School to be dated, not nostalgic. That's part of the reason I had the 40 Years DVD for over a month before I finally got around to watching it. I am so glad I did.

Watching a full episode of Sesame Street from the 1960s or 1970s is boring, but Sesame Street: 40 Years of Sunny Days takes the best segments and puts them all together. There were so many segments that I remembered from my childhood once I saw them on the screen. It just made me happy to watch it and I was thrilled that my toddler enjoyed watching it, too. (She did not enjoy Old School.)

There are a couple different options for watching. You can turn on the pop-up facts and exclusive behind-the-scenes footage. This collection also comes with a little commemorative book.

Sesame Street: 40 Years of Sunny Days is a joy to own and watch and I highly recommend buying it to anyone who every watched Sesame Street as a kid.

This DVD was provided to me free of charge for the purpose of writing this review.

*WINNER* Chop Socky Chooks Vol. 1 - DVD Review

Jenna is the winner! Email me your mailing address. peevedmichelle at yahoo dot come

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CHOP SOCKY CHOOKS!

That's how I say it in my head every time I read it, in all caps, with an exclamation point. CHOP SOCKY CHOOKS! It's a tongue-twister, though, so sometimes when I say it aloud, it comes out, "CHOP SUEY SOCKS!"

From wikipedia:

Chop Socky Chooks is a British animated television series produced by Aardman Animations and DHX Media that debuted on March 7, 2008. It was created by animator Sergio Delfino, a prominent animator at Aardman. It currently airs only on Teletoon (EU & UK). For now, it airs on Cartoon Network, except in the USA. The name is from "chop socky" which is slang for the Asian martial arts film genre, and "chook" which is Australian and New Zealand slang for chicken.

Chuckie Chan, the wisened sensei; K.O. Joe, the smooth-talking muscle man with a giant afro; and Chick P, the brains and the beauty of the operation, battle the evil leader of Wasabi World, who else but Dr. Wasabi, of course. Dr. Wasabi rules his shopping mall world with help of his dim-witted bodyguard Bubba, his wily Ninja Chimps, and a host of evil minions. He's not the only one after the Chooks, though. Wasabi World is full of baddies.

Kids will love the contemporary themes, fast-paced action, and kid-appropriate humor. Adults will love the irreverent asides and pop culture nods. Though it's aimed at kids a bit older, Chop Socky Chooks, Vol. 1 even held the attention of my toddler.

WIN IT

I have one copy of Chop Socky Chooks, Vol. 1 to give away. Enter to win leaving a comment telling me your favorite Chinese dish. I love mu shu pork and shrimp in lobster sauce and wor won ton soup.

For an extra chance to win, tweet about this review and giveaway. For it to count, you need to leave a second comment on this post, letting me know that you tweeted it. "RT @peevedmichelle Win a copy of CHOP SOCKY CHOOKS VOL. 1, a hilarious animated series from the UK. Enter by Mon. 11/9 http://bit.ly/vycD4"

I will choose a winner at random on Monday 11/9 at Noon PST.

I was provided with a free copy of this DVD for the purpose of creating this review.

Can people change?

One of my relatives recently left her husband (again) and my sister and I were discussing the situation. I feel like our relative should divorce him already and cut her losses. My sister feels like our relative hasn't yet tried everything and should give him another chance to change his behavior. I said to my sister that I don't believe people change.

I don't believe that people can fundamentally change who they are. My sister agrees with that, but she does think that people can change their behavior. In the case of our relative, and in most marriages, if one spouse has left before and been fed up before, the douchey spouse saying he is really going to change this time seems like it is just a ploy because he knows she'll stay if he pretends. If he was really willing to change - if it was part of his fundamental nature to do so - he would have already done so.

This is what my sister says about it:

I believe whole-heartedly in the capacity for regeneration of the human heart. The difference is that while our personalities are fixed from conception, our behaviors are learned and can therefore be unlearned or retrained.  I do concede that apart from love, grace and forgiveness, it is an exercise in futility. One has to want to change and be willing to do the work to go after it.

In the case presented, if the parties involved are willing to admit their own part in the situation, forgive one hundred percent of the other person's part and move forward with love and grace.  There is no damage (and I mean none) that cannot be repaired and restored to an even greater level than before.

What do you think? Can people change?

DVD Review of Sesame Street: Elmo's Animal Adventures

You know how sometimes when you are watching Elmo's World on Sesame Street you start bleeding from your ears and develop hysterical blindness? Well, you'll be relieved to know that Sesame Street: Elmo's Animal Adventures causes no such side effects.

Each of the three episodes (plus bonus feature) teaches kids a certain aspect of the animal world in a way that is fun, entertaining, and educational. The first episode really cracked me up. Elmo and Telly are helping Little Bo Peep find her wayward cow (she was tired of those sheep always running off) by looking at animal tracks. When they need help with what to look for in the tracks, Luis pops up - literally - and sings clues for the monsters. Every time he popped up out of nowhere and started singing, I couldn't help cracking up.

In the other two episodes, kids learn all about amphibians and the different types of foods woodland animals eat. Each one held the interest of both my toddler and her parents.

For little Elmo fans, this is a must-have DVD - one parents won't mind having to watch over and over again.

I was provided with a free copy of this DVD for the purpose of creating this review.

Working Mom Guilt: Dr. Phil Says You Shouldn't Have It

I don't have working mom guilt. I choose to work and that is the best decision for my family. A couple months ago, I attended a taping of a Dr. Phil show on the subject. As he so lovingly put up on the graphics, it was really "Stay at Home vs. Working Moms" with Jessica Gottlieb representing the stay-at-home moms with the opinion that if you can't stay home with your children, you shouldn't have them.

Romi Lassally summed it up nicely on Huffington Post:

Basically, Jessica equates the hiring of a babysitter, or use of a daycare facility for the kids with the hiring of a surrogate (a hooker perhaps?) for the husband. While this is an interesting concept...it's just dead wrong. Working, or staying home full time is [sic] not be the litmus test by which we evaluate the quality of love a mother has for her kids. There are plenty of full time moms who aren't that loving and probably just as many working moms who love with a vengeance.

I responded to Jessica's post about her appearance:

I was in that audience on the Working Moms side. I choose to work and I don’t feel guilty about it. I don’t miss my children’s milestones. If my daughter giggles for the first time at daycare, she is also going to do it for me later, when I get home from work. Our wonderful daycare provider is not raising my children for me, she is simply caring for them for part of their day. They thrive under her expert care in ways I doubt they would at home with me all day. They are appropriately bonded and attached to me and their father. And I am certainly a much happier person for being able to use my talents on daily basis in a way that makes us a lot of money that gives us opportunities we wouldn’t otherwise have.

One thing that I posted about when Sarah Palin first appeared and was getting so much heat for her choices about work and family, is that some women CAN do it all. Some women are more capable than others when it comes to balancing their lives. Some women can simply do more than others can.

One thing you asked during the show was something like, “You wouldn’t outsource making love to your husband, so why would you outsource mothering your children?” I laughed when you said that because, honestly, if I could get a girl in to take care of the blowjobs, I would.

She responded to me thusly:

Not “making love to your husband”, just “loving him”.

I’m sorry you don’t enjoy marriage or parenthood.

I showed surprising restraint in my follow-up response. You can read the rest on her site. Also, please note that my husband is holding auditions this weekend for the blowjob girl.

I Curse You and Your Baby

I wonder why it is the first instinct of so many people to wish ill upon an expectant mother. When I was pregnant with my toddler, it was the honeymoon period of motherhood. Everyone was so excited for me. They were excited to find out the gender of the baby. They were excited to find out what we were going to name her. They were excited to know how I was feeling every minute until I gave birth. Then, they were excited to see her for the first time.

Once we realized we had a pretty easy baby with no health issues and not a lot of drama about sleeping or eating, the honeymoon was over. As people found out she was an easy baby, we would hear things like, "You're lucky," implying that we had absolutely nothing to do with her behavior. We acknowledge that we are lucky, but we do not feel that luck has everything to do it. We were pretty chill as parents and we believe that helped our baby relax as well.

When I was pregnant with my newborn, you would not believe the amount of ill-wishing I received. As soon as people found out I was pregnant with my second child, they asked how my first child was as a baby. When they found out she was an easy baby, they said, "Oh, this one will be a nightmare." That lovely sentiment was usually accompanied by an unkind bit of laughter. I heard variations on this from so many people that I started to get angry about it. It is such a rude thing to say to a pregnant woman.

There was one exception. A co-worker of mine, when he found out my first child was an easy baby, said that my second would probably be easy, too. He has two kids who were both easy babies. I clung to that thought through the rest of my pregnancy.

When my newborn slept through the night at three and half weeks old, and kept on sleeping through the night, a resounding, "Suck it!" could be heard through all the land. She is even easier than the first one. Yes, I am lucky again, but I am also more relaxed as a parent this time, so I am still going to take some of the credit.

You would think that would be the end of the ill-wishing, but you would be wrong. When people find out that I have had two easy babies and we are not having anymore, they say, "Wait until they're teenagers." Why doesn't anyone say, "That's great!" or, "How wonderful!" No one can be happy for me or say something nice.

The next time someone says something like, "Wait until they're teenagers," I am going to ask why she would say something like to me and why she would expect that we will be unable to raise well-behaved children.

(Please note that I was able to write this entire post uninterrupted in my silent house because my baby is sleeping peacefully in her moses basket.)

Do I Take on Too Much?

Honestly, my assessment of myself is that I am kind of lazy and that I could be more productive in most aspects of my life. My house could be cleaner and more organized. I could be more proactive at work. I could be more proactive with my schoolwork. I could fit working out back into my routine. I could cook more meals at home. I could pluck my own eyebrows. (No I couldn't! I did it this morning because I had to cancel my wax last weekend and plucking hurts way more than waxing.) I could read more books instead of watching TV. I could keep on going with this list.

I feel like I could always do more but, even before getting pregnant with Kenna, I made a conscious effort not to overschedule myself, especially on weekends. I need alone time and I need relaxation time. If I don't have it, I get overstressed and then I start to get depressed. Because of all that, I never had an image of myself as a person who takes on too much but, recently, I have started to wonder if I am wrong about that.

Last year, I began an MBA program. I started out easy with one class that I'd already taken as an undergrad. Then I took off the next term because it was during the first trimester of my pregnancy and I knew I would be too tired. This term, I took only one class again because it would be ending when I would be only weeks away from giving birth and I didn't want to work myself too hard. Still, I feel like I could have handled two classes at a time.

On Facebook a few weeks ago, an old high school friend commented on one of my status updates about how amazed she was that I was taking a class while pregnant. Last week, a coworker who works from her home was in the office for a training. We talked about my MBA program because her employee wants to get his MBA. She, too, was amazed that I started an MBA program with a toddler and another baby on the way. Then, when she found out I also have a 100-mile commute, her eyes nearly popped out of her head. My response was typical. I said that you get used to it (the commute) and that the MBA program was only temporary; eventually I'll be done, plus it is only one night a week for class and I do most of my schoolwork at lunch time (or instead of watching American Idol).

I registered for two classes for the Fall, which actually start a week or so before my maternity leave ends. Today, I registered for one class for the Summer - it crams a full course into 2.5 weekends. My husband is ok with the Summer course even though it means he will be on his own with a newborn and a toddler every weekend in July because the weekend after the class ends, I am attending the BlogHer conference in Chicago.

I think maybe it is too much but the only reason I think that is because I have done nothing but gain weight for the past seven years - the same amount of time I have been married and the same amount of time that I have had a long commute. Clearly, my health is the one area that is getting the shaft. Also, I don't do anything with friends. And I tend to pay my bills late.

I work, go to school, blog, tweet, watch TV, spend time with family, and... well, that's about it.

I have made it my goal to fit working out back into my routine after I have this baby next month, but I am not sure yet how I am going to do it because I haven't identified any other areas where I expect to slow down. I could stop watching so much TV, I guess.

Obviously this is something I have been struggling with for awhile, so if you have some answers for me, I would appreciate them.

Call for Opinions: Should I have a second baby shower?

Since we are having another girl, I can't decide if I should have second baby shower or not. My mom and my friend are pestering me to decide. We don't really need a lot of stuff. We need a few things, but nothing we can't handle on our own. Plus, I did put everything on a registry along with some stuff we don't necessarily need, but would be nice to have.

Two things I am thinking about:

1. I have so many girl clothes, that I could be having triplet girls and still not need new clothes. At my last shower, I'd say 90% of the many, many gifts I received were clothes. To even think about getting that many clothes again makes me want to cry like the ungrateful, hormonal, pregnant woman I am. If I do have shower, I would really, really like to specify that we don't need any outfits.
2. If I don't have a shower, I would like to have a "meet the baby" party instead, when she is about two months old.

So, what do you think? Should I have a shower or a party after the baby is born? I really can't decide on this one.