Opinions for Nothing

Call for Opinions: Do you give a hair stylist a second chance?

For the past couple years, I have been going to Anna Vidito at Lukaro Salon in Beverly Hills for my haircuts. She is awesome. I've loved every haircut I've had from her. The problem is that the salon is in Beverly Hills and I am not. It takes half a Saturday and costs me $90, plus tip, for a haircut.

I didn't get my hair cut for a long time because I was growing it out. Then, I decided to try someone closer. I followed a recommendation from a friend and ended up with a haircut that was little better than a Supercuts trim. A month later, I still needed a haircut, so I followed a recommendation from another friend. I ended up with shelf hair. See that shelf between my chin and my shoulders? I don't like it. I need shorter layers.

After that, I was fed up with haircuts and I let my hair go a little wild. One too many days of wearing the oh so attractive headband/ponytail combo and I decided I would get another haircut, but I wanted it THAT DAY.

Unfortunately, Anna wasn't in that day, so I followed yet another recommendation from a friend. This one actually owned the salon where they stylist work. I explained my shelf issue to the stylist. She gave me a shorter shelf.

Now, I have an appointment on Saturday to go back to the most recent stylist so she can fix it. I am not sure I trust her to do it, but paying Anna $90 to fix it is really going to smart after paying the first stylist $65 to botch it. Why don't I listen to myself when I know better? I always say that you get what you pay for when it comes to hair cuts.

Would you go back to the most recent stylist and let her try to fix it?

I'm adding Military Advisor to my resume

On my flight from L.A. to Dallas last week, I noticed the game my seating companion was playing on his iPhone. It was Connect 4! (I still need to download that.) I mentioned it and he said it was kicking his butt and that his kids had added it to his phone. We chatted about kids and iPhone games and then our reasons for being on that particular flight. He was headed back home to Mississippi from California, where he'd been traveling for business. He was a Colonel in the Air Force. We both talked about what our jobs entailed.

When he found out I was in business and working on my MBA, he asked me questions about transitioning out of a military career into the corporate world. I gave him lots of advice about how to position his experience, what sorts of networking and research he can do over the next couple of years before he retires, what level and salary he could expect, and so much more. I literally could not shut up.

I have never been so chatty on a flight, to a perfect stranger, before. That guy knows how much money I make, how old I am, where I grew up, where I went to college, how long I have been married, how old my children are, and who knows what else I spewed out of the course of our flight. He was so easy to talk to, though. He must have felt the same way, because I know all those same facts about him.

Anyway, I hope that he does take my advice about joining LinkedIn, so that we can reconnect and I can get him linked up with a couple of retired military guys I know who are now in the corporate world.

It isn't every day that I get to advise a Colonel in the Air Force.

12 Tips for BlogHer '12

Once again, I am writing my tips for the next BlogHer conference the day I arrive home from the last BlogHer conference.

1. FOLLOW MY ADVICE. Pieces of my own advice for BlogHer '11 that I did not follow and wish I had: (a) Don't share a bed. (b) Arrive on Wednesday, leave on Sunday, take Monday off of work. (c) Change your shoes at mealtimes to avoid fatigue. (d) Attend some (more) sessions, you jackass. So, yeah, do all of that next year.


2. INSTALL GROUPME ON YOUR PHONE. If you don't already have the GroupMe app installed on your phone, I highly recommend it. It is a group texting app and the latest version has a ton of great new features. I use it on a daily basis to text with a group of girlfriends. I set up a second group just for my friends who were attending BlogHer '11 together. With this app, we were able to easily keep tabs on each other's whereabouts, meet up whenever possible, and change plans quickly.



3. MAP THE PARTIES BEFORE YOU LEAVE YOUR HOME. I recommend printing out a map and highlighting the routes to each of your offsite parties before you leave your house. Also, think about how you are going to get to each one, the time it is going to take to get there, and if you need an alternative means of transportation to get back.



4. KNOW THYSELF. You are not going to morph into a different person the minute you arrive at the conference hotel. I know myself. I am a swag whore who likes to be tan and hang out with her friends. I brought home four bags of swag, spent tons of time with the friends I traveled with, and the friends I've made online over the past couple years, and I skipped an afternoon of sessions to hang out by the pool. I had a fantastic weekend. I got exactly what I wanted out of BlogHer.



5. GET FAKE LASHES. Since the Fall of last year, I have been getting fake eyelashes from my esthetician whenever I have a conference or special event to attend. They are fricking gorgeous, only cost $35, and last 1-2 weeks, depending on how careful I am. If you want to feel like you look beautiful with the least amount of effort possible, I am telling you, fake lashes are magical.



6. PUT YOUR TWITTER NAME ON YOUR CARD. Seriously, I shouldn't have to tell you this.


7. BRING MORE BUSINESS CARDS. Bring at least 100 business cards. Hand them out to every single person you meet.


8. KEEP YOUR BUSINESS CARDS IN YOUR BADGE HOLDER. I asked nearly everyone I met if they had a card. Most said yes, then reached into their giants bags and fished around for their business cards, while I stood there, waiting patiently, card in hand, having quickly retrieved it from the badge holder conveniently strung around my neck.


9. BRING A SPARE BATTERY FOR YOUR PHONE. I have an iPhone with an internal battery, so I can't literally bring a spare battery. I have the iGO Green charger. I got it in a swag bag at SXSWi this year and it is the most useful piece of swag I have ever received. I plug it into the wall and plug my iPhone into it, and they both get charged up. I unplug it and throw it in my bag. Later, when my iPhone is gasping its last breath. I plug my phone into the iGO Green charger, which holds enough power to get my phone back up to 75%.



10. DON'T BE INTIMIDATED BY ANYONE. Every single person attending BlogHer is just that, a person. There is no reason to be intimidated by anyone. Ever. Anywhere. You may admire a person so much you can barely express the reasons why. That person might be nicer, smarter, and prettier than you are, but she (he?) is still just a person with her own issues and insecurities. There is no reason for you to feel like you can't talk to anyone you want to talk to at this conference.



11. GO TO THE EXPO RIGHT WHEN IT CLOSES ON THE LAST DAY. I hear it is a swag free-for-all.



12. EAT FRUITS AND VEGETABLES, AND DRINK WATER. Man, do I feel gross right now.

How to Unpack After a Trip*

1. Open both suitcases up on the living room floor.
2. Chip away at the contents for a couple days by only pulling out what you need right then.
3. Realize you have no clean clothes, pull all the dirties out of the suitcase and wash them.
4. Get fed up that the suitcases are still in the way on the living room floor.
5. Dump out all the contents of both suitcases into one big pile.
6. Ask your husband to put the suitcases back in the garage.
7. Chip away at the remaining contents until everything is put away.

*Actually, I don't recommend this method. It is pissing me off.

What to Get Your Husband for Your Anniversary

My friends like to email me for advice. Here's a gem:

Her: Any ideas what I could get my husband for our anniversary?

Me: I can't remember what I got mine last year. Men just want steak and a BJ.

Her: HA! OMG, so true! (Don’t forget the potatoes.)

Me: Potatoes are for chicks.

A Valentine's Day Gift Guide for Idiots and Other Men

I used to write for a friend's web magazine, Clark Schpiell Productions. This was published there on February 9, 2004. Other than a dated reference to Britney Spears, this list has withstood the test of time.

Let me start of by saying that I am intentionally being sexist with this list and it is because I think my husband may read this before Valentine's Day. Therefore, this guide is specifically aimed at men who need to give gifts to women. Women who need to give gifts to women should know what women want. All men want the same gift -- a blow-job -- so that's easy enough.

I am not even going to cover why Valentine's Day is such a commercial holiday, the true meaning of which is completely lost in modern times, buried under hearts and flowers and candy and all things pink and red. I am not going to cover it, because that's just the way it is, so suck it up.

First, you need to understand women a little bit better. Here are few key things that you need to know before contemplating a purchase.
   1. Women are liars
   2. Women are manipulative
   3. Women like presents

Don't even think that all three of those things don't apply to your woman, because they do. It is universal. Why is this important? It is important because you may have heard your woman say one of the following things:

      "You don't need to get me flowers. They just die anyway and are a waste of money."
      "I don't need anything fancy as long as we are together."
      "I don't like big diamonds. I think they are gaudy."

Lies. All lies. Women like flowers. Even the ones who say they don't like flowers turn to mush when they get that unexpected call from the receptionist telling them that they have a delivery. As for diamonds, really big diamonds are gaudy. However, since you are reading this guide, I am guessing your diamond budget is not the same as, say, Brad Pitt's. You should likely get the biggest one you can afford. More on that later.

Women are manipulative. You might not think your woman is, but that just means that she is likely very good at it. If you really still have no idea what to get her for Valentine's Day, you are probably a moron, and I am not just being mean. She has given you a dozen clues in the last week alone. Did she drag you to the mall at any point in the last month? I bet she took you to at least three stores, each containing at least one item that would make an excellent gift, which, I am sure, she pointed out to you. Retrace your steps and ask for help along the way. She may have enlisted the help of friends and family in the unlikely instance that you would think to call any of them seeking assistance. Does she have a sister, a best friend, a mother? I guarantee that one or all of them can tell you what your woman would like for Valentine's Day.

Women like presents. Oh, yes we do. If you haven't come up with anything yet, just hold on, we are getting to the good part. I will give you some easy-to-follow instructions. If you start to get nervous, thinking you can't do this on your own, just print this out and take it with you.

The Idiot-Proof Guide to Valentine Day Gifts for Women

1. Flowers. This one is not optional. You must get your woman flowers for Valentine's Day. The best way to do this is to order flowers to be delivered to her at work. Because Valentine's Day is on a Saturday this year, you should have them sent on Friday instead. [In 2011, it is on Monday. Have them delivered on Monday, or die. - Ed.] Flowers are almost meaningless if a woman can't brag about them to other women. I said almost. If you fail to have flowers delivered to her at work, you absolutely must not forget to bring some home with you.
2. Lingerie. This is the perfect gift for hookers, whores and assorted tramps. Most women, however, prefer to buy this on their own.
3. Diamonds. Like I said, you ain't no Brad Pitt. If you are getting her a ring, try to get as close to one carat as you can afford. Platinum is the way to go for settings these days, but get white gold if you can't afford it. Going for earrings? One carat total weight is the minimum, two carats total weight is the maximum. Round diamonds look bigger. Don't bother with a platinum setting for earrings. Use the extra dough to get better quality diamonds. I can't go into quality here; that would take all day. In Southern California, Robbins Brothers is used to helping out hapless victims of consumerism like you. Don't let their extremely annoying commercials put you off. They will steer you in the right direction.
4. Other Jewelry. I am talking about anything that isn't a diamond ring or diamond earrings. I think you should stay away from this category. Again, I am not trying to be mean, but you are an idiot. Only men with very good taste should venture into this territory and they don't need help from me.
5. Kittens. If you are dating a teenager or Britney Spears, this is an appropriate gift. Live and/or stuffed are allowable.
6. Weekend Getaway. I am sure that your woman has mentioned, on more than one occasion in your relationship, some nice places to go for a weekend trip. Pay attention already! Christ. Destination, in this case, is secondary. The primary thing that is going to score you points with a gift like this is the fact that you planned it all on your own. That means you have to take care of transportation, lodging and even some things to do while there. Although it is preferable to spend the actual weekend of Valentine's Day on the getaway, it may be too late for that. Presenting her with a brochure, or something similar, detailing what you have already booked and planned is almost as good.
7. Candy. This is crap. If I find out that I put all this time into writing this guide and you read it and still went out and bought your woman one of those disgusting heart-shaped boxes of candy, I will find you and beat you about the head with a blunt object.
8. Poetry. Seriously, have you not been paying attention to a single thing? Women like presents. I am sure you mean it to be all heartfelt and shit, but it probably sucks.
9. Date. I hesitate to add this one to the list because it can go horribly awry. If you have it in you to plan a super fabulous date (and I am not talking miniature golf here) then, by all means, do it, but this has to be more fun than anything else you have done with your woman all year. Think over-the-top, like sky-diving, a cruise on a private yacht, heckling celebrities on the red carpet. I can't really help you out with more ideas because I am not all that fun, just mean.
10. Spa. You absolutely cannot go wrong with a gift certificate to a spa. You likely have no idea what makes a good spa, so ask women you know. Stay away from anything that has "salon and day spa" in the title. Those are just hair salons with extra rooms. The best combos that are reasonably affordable are a facial and a massage, or a facial and a salt or sugar scrub. Two treatments is a perfect amount. Anything more and you risk picking something that she might not enjoy, like a seaweed wrap or a plantain pummel. For those in Southern California, Burke-Williams is your best option.

Good luck, muchachos!

How to Fire Your Realtor

Anonymous has a question:

So, here's the deal. Jenny is a friend of mine but not a close friend. She's the cousin of a good friend, however. She lives downtown, so about an hour away and she's pregnant with her first kid, due in March. She didn't do anything for me when the house was on the market with her this summer. No open houses, no nothing other than a website. I haven't even been able to get my key back from her, due to varoius fuckups, and it's been off the market since August, I think.
 
I may be moving out state soon, so I need to sell this fucking house ASAP, and I don't feel she'll be that aggressive. Due to the personal relationships, I don't really feel comfortable saying that to her. I want to make it seem like it will be too much effort based on the distance and the kid but I don't know how to say that.
 
Any thoughts?

Clearly, you need a new Realtor, one who will actually work for you to sell your house. It seems like the point you are struggling with is how to tell your current Realtor that she is fired, since you have a personal connection to her. You are right on track with focusing on how much effort it will require of her to be aggressive with marketing your property.

I recommend an email along these lines:

Jenny,

Thank you so much for the work you did trying to sell my house this summer. My situation has recently changed and I to need to put my house back on the market soon, and be very aggressive about getting it sold. I know what an effort it is for you to make it all the way out here, especially as you enter your third trimester, so I am going to relist my house with Realtor nearby.

Thanks again, and good luck with the baby! I can't wait to see pics.

-Home Owner

P.S. Please mail my house key back to me at [address].

I almost always recommend a direct approach while trying not ruffle any feathers.

How to Ask for a Favor

1. Acknowledge that the person you are asking is doing you a favor. You are not entitled to the help. Be gracious. Tell the person why you are asking her for a favor and not someone else.
2. Do as much as you can to help yourself. Did you even try to do this for yourself first?
3. Make it as easy as possible for the person to do the favor for you. Need a ride? Provide directions. Need an answer? Give as many details as possible. Need a referral? Provide all necessary contact information.
4. Be grateful. Thank the person sincerely and in as many ways as you can.
5. Return the favor, not just to the person who is doing you the favor but to anyone else who needs the help.

Do you have anything to add to this list?

How do I fire a client?

My esthetician has a question:

How do I fire a client?

Those were the first words out of my esthetician's mouth this morning when she walked in for my eyebrow waxing appointment. I was honored that she valued my opinion so much because it's not like I have first-hand experience in the matter. My esthetician wants to fire one client because the client is rude. The client's behavior has been escalating for awhile. The client has been rude to the esthetician several times and, most recently, was rude to a stylist to whom the esthetician referred the client. That was the last straw.

The adult thing to do would be to talk to the client face-to-face. At her next appointment, after the client pays, the esthetician should take the client outside for a private conversation. (The front desk area is very busy and the esthetician's room is too intimate.) The esthetician should say something like this:

"I want to thank you for your past business, but I don't think that we're a good match anymore. Here is the name and number of another esthetician who can help you in the future."

If the client asks why, the esthetician should be honest and say something like this:

"You have been rude to me on several occasions and you were rude to my friend so-and-so when you were here last week. Thank you, again, for your past business. I hope that this new esthetician works out for you. Good-bye."

The main thing in a situation like this is for the esthetician to remain calm and detached and not to let the client drag her into an argument about what she has or hasn't done in the past. It is within the right of the esthetician to choose her clientele and her decision is not negotiable.

The esthetician was understandably leery of having this conversation face-to-face with a rude person who she thinks will react negatively. She asked if it would be ok to send a letter. I said yes, but that face-to-face would be best. If she does choose to send a letter, I advised that the contents should be the same as the conversation I outlined.

What do you think? Would you handle the situation differently if you were in the esthetician's place?

10 Tips for BlogHer '11

I returned home from BlogHer '10 today. One year from now I am not going to remember nine out of ten of the following tips, so this is really more of a note to self than anything else.

1. Bring Tums
2. Go Wednesday to Sunday, but leave late on Sunday and take Monday off of work
3. Wear your hair up for parties because it gets HOT in there
4. Eat before parties because you will DRINK
5. Or, skip the parties and do more things in town with your friends
6. Bring your own Diet Pepsi because the dude at the Diet Pepsi booth is only handing out samples as if there was a single person at the conference who might be thinking, "Hey, I wonder what Diet Pepsi tastes like."
7. Attend some sessions, you jackass
8. Bring pre-cut moleskin strips (again) to prevent blisters on your feet even though you brought comfortable shoes to wear
9. Scope out all hair, make-up, and spa services as early as possible because they have sign-up times that fill up quickly
10. Don't share a bed

Bonus tip: Get new luggage. That $15 carry-on you bought at Sam's Club in 1995 has reached the end of its life.

Related: 10 Things: A Very Short Guide to BlogHer