I read Dooce's post today about splitting up with her husband. I've been reading her blog for years and years. I never thought her marriage would end. She and her husband knew each other so well, were so in love, put so much work into their marriage.
It made me wonder, how much I really knew about their lives and their marriage and their issues. Dooce is so open about everything, maybe it gave me a false sense of knowledge, of knowing her. Bloggers show you only what they want you to see, but that isn't any different from anyone else. Two other bloggers I admire split with their husbands in the past year. One has found a fantastic new husband. The other has only just started picking up the pieces. Friends of mine are divorcing and it is ugly and cruel in a way that makes me question our friendship.
Maybe the problem is not keeping the truth about your marriage from the world, but keeping it from yourself. When I compare my marriage to the ones I admire, mine seems to fall short, but I am looking at mine with unflinching honesty, not through the veneer required for publication. Even so, I do have a public marriage and a secret marriage, but it's not because I have anything to hide, it's because there are two people in my marriage and that story isn't mine alone to tell.
