I'm working from home today. While I was on a conference call, the Flickr screensaver came up on the Apple TV. I have it set to show all of my pictures now. (I recently changed it. It was only baby pictures before, so I wouldn't see any pictures of my mom.) A few times, baby pictures came up and I couldn't tell which of my babies it was.
So, imagine my surprise when I discovered that there is a cheaper alternative to my cheap alternative. Seriously, other brands are knocking off Candies now? This seems ridiculous to me, even though these knock-offs are half the price of the Candies. So, if you want these shoes for $27, you can get them at Target, by Mossimo. I also saw them under a different name for the same price at Off Broadway Shoes.
This fake press release was originally published at Clark Schpiell Productions, March 2006.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
No More Stupid Drivers in Los Angeles
Los Angeles, CA - March 8, 2006 - Hate stupid drivers? Don't let your kid become one. Irate driver, Michelle Magoffin, opened a new driving school in Los Angeles called No More Stupid Drivers to teach drivers all the things they don't learn in traditional driver education. She will focus on such concepts as:
Slower Traffic Keep Right Step on the Gas Nice Turn Signal, Jackass Pay Attention Move the Fuck Over Don't Park Your SUV in a Compact Spot
The mission of No More Stupid Drivers is two-fold. Magoffin hopes to reach kids before they start driving so that they hit the roads from day one as safe, competent drivers who aren't likely to piss her off should she encounter them on her 100-mile round-trip commute. In addition, Magoffin would like to reach out to experienced drivers and, instead of punching them in the teeth as she has imagined doing on so many occasions, re-educate them about proper roadway behavior. She believes so strongly in her mission, that Magoffin is offering free lessons to anyone she has flipped off or honked at in the past year.
No More Stupid Drivers hopes to expand to the Valley, Malibu, and that one stretch of the 405, by mid-summer. Look for the following advanced classes at the Malibu location: Maintaining a Constant Speed, Making Lane Changes That Don't Take All Fucking Day, and a two-day intensive version of Slower Traffic Keep Right: I'm Talking to You, Asshole.
No More Stupid Drivers is open during non-peak driving hours because, seriously, Michelle Magoffin would not subject you to morons just learning how to drive. For an appointment, call 1-800-STUPID1.
Press Contact: Michelle Magoffin No More Stupid Drivers 1-800-STUPID1 imeanyou@nomorestupiddrivers.com
This was originally published by Clark Schpiell Productions, November 5, 2005. Tookie Williams was executed, in accordance with his death sentence, on December 13, 2005.
Unless Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger grants him clemency, Stanley "Tookie" Williams will be executed on December 13, 2005 for the four brutal murders for which he was convicted in 1979. I say, let him fry. Or, more accurately, let him drift into a peaceful sleep as lethal drugs course through his veins or poisonous gas invades his respiratory system.
In 1971, Stanley "Tookie" Williams co-founded a street gang in Los Angeles that later came to be know as the Crips. He was 17 years old. Though Williams and Raymond Washington claim to have started the gang as a stand against the random violence in their neighborhood, within a year of inception, the Crips were involved in 29 homicides in Los Angeles. The Crips became one of the most prevalent and violent street gangs in Los Angeles before spreading throughout the U.S. and into Canada and Mexico.
Arguments for his clemency center around Williams' deeds during his time on death row. He has worked to try to decrease the influence of gangs, particularly with school-age children. He has even written a series of children's books subtitled, "Tookie Speaks Out Against Gang Violence." I don't want to downplay the positive impact on society that Williams has made. I don't doubt that he has been transformed and rehabilitated, but unless his service to the greater good has included a way to revive the dead, I don't believe that there is anything that Williams could accomplish that would atone for his crimes.
This was originally published by Clark Schpiell Productions, November 24, 2003.
My mother was what some would call a bleeding heart liberal when I was growing up. And why wouldn't she have been? She was a young (very young) single mother of two trying to live and work in an expensive suburb of Southern California because that's where most of our extended family lived. Were we poor? Probably not, but we certainly brought down the annual household income for the area.
Over the years, and as our incomes have increased substantially, both my mother and I have found conservative ideas creeping into our political beliefs. I had no idea this was happening to her. I kept my status as a registered Republican a secret from my family for fear of starting a long, drawn out discussion in which my age would be the eventual determination of my ability to reason.
My dad was 19 years old when he married my mom. She was 16 years old, and three months pregnant with me. My parents separated when I was five years old, and divorced when I was nine years old.
My dad wasn't known for his lawful behavior. He didn't make court-ordered child support payments. He infrequently took advantage of court-allowed visitations with his children. He did not adhere to laws prohibiting the possession, use, and sale of illegal drugs. Two of the three things on that list caused him to be in and out of jail for much of my childhood.
My dad was book smart without a college degree. After he left the Air Force, he was an engineering technician until the recession of the late-'80s and early-'90s. After that, he drifted from odd job to odd job, preferring those that paid cash so he wouldn't have to make child support payments. It's unfortunate that he never grew up.
When I was in college, I made peace with the fact that my dad was never going to change and never going to be the kind of dad I needed. He was family and I still loved him, but as long as I expected him to act like a father, I would be disappointed. I resolved to treat him like an uncle -- not even a favorite uncle. After that, we had a much better relationship.
Eventually, my dad paid off the back child support with an extended jail term. I was well into my 20s by then. When he was released, he moved to New Mexico to live with my retired grandmother. He had a steady job and had been promoted to a supervisory position when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Eighteen months later, at the age of 50, he was dead. Today would have been his 57th birthday.
I've seen the Goody Simple Styles Spin Pin in stores for awhile, but I was always skeptical about its effectiveness until @Shopafrolic tweeted about it last month. I finally bought it at Target yesterday. You guys, it is amazing. Seriously. It's ridiculous that I waited so long to buy it.
I have thick (less thick now that I have lost a lot of hair due to the weight loss surgery) shoulder-length hair that is layered. I twisted it into a bun, tucked the ends in the best I could, twisted these two pins in, and had a perfect bun. It took me about as long to do as it did to type the previous sentence. That was five hours ago. I just now readjusted one of the pins. If I'd had my hair up in a bun the way I usually do, with a clip or a ponytail holder, I would have adjusted it three times by now.
This video give a tutorial about how to use the Goody Spin Pins.
In eight hours, I'll be on my way to the airport for a quick trip. Please wish me luck, send me good vibes, pray for me, sacrifice a goat... whatever it is you do to make good things happen for someone. I'll tell you about it when I get back.
If you liked the first Kung Fu Panda, you are going to like Kung Fu Panda 2. It is every bit as funny and enjoyable as the original. Po and the Furious Five face a new foe, one who has a mysterious connection to Po's past. If my past is any predictor of my future, I will be re-watching this movie on a regular basis once the DVD comes out, and I won't mind a bit.
Kung Fu Panda 2 Storybook for iPhone and iPad, by iStoryTime
The Kung Fu Panda 2 Storybook app is great for kids at any reading level. It provides a shortened version of the story, using audio and still images from the movie. The Create-a-Scene feature lets kids put "stickers" onto backgrounds from the movie, and create their own scenes.
My kids, ages 2 and 4, love this app, and use the "read to me" feature. I have two points of contention with this app. One, the navigation. Once you are in the story, it is almost impossible to figure out how to get back to the main menu. Two, a couple times, while trying to get back to the main menu, the graphics in the story blanked out to white while the audio kept playing. I still think it is worth $2.99, though. We have a plane trip coming up next month and I will definitely be checking out other iStoryTime titles to prepare for our trip.
GIVEAWAY
Now, for the best part. Enter for a chance to win a free download of the app. For one chance, leave a comment on this post letting me know you want to win. For a second chance, tweet this, then come back and leave a second comment letting me know you tweeted.
Tweet: Enter to win a free download of the Kung Fu Panda 2 iPhone/iPad app from @PeevedMichelle. http://peev.in/irgvRm
No entries past Noon Pacific on Monday, June 13th. Good luck!
I received a free download of this app for the purpose of writing this review.
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