I confess. I discipline other people's children. Family, friends, strangers. It's a reflex. I don't think twice about doing it and I don't feel any remorse for having done it.
Last night, I had dinner at Souplantation with Amy, from Parenting with Duct Tape, her 10-year-old, her 2-year-old, and my 2-year-old. I came back to the table with a blueberry muffin. I gave my toddler half. She shared a little with Amy's toddler. Amy asked her daughter if she would like a blueberry muffin, too. Her daughter nodded and demanded, "Get me blueberry muffin!"
I immediately responded with, "Excuse me, you need to say, 'Please,'" which is exactly what I would have said to my own daughter. It wasn't until later that evening, or maybe even the next morning, that I realized I had disciplined someone else's kid right in front of her and wondered if she had been offended. As I said, I don't feel any remorse for having done it, but it did make me wonder why I do it.
My large extended family is filled with cousins, aunts, and uncles. Growing up, we all lived in the same town and everyone congregated at my grandmother's house. There was always some mix of kids and adults around. If you were a kid, you were expected to listen to any adult present and you could expect to be disciplined by any adult present. It's still that way in my family. If I ask my cousins' kids or my nieces and nephews to do something, I expect them to do it. If I see them doing something they shouldn't, they should expect me to respond to it.
The kids play area at the mall is the worst. Inattentive mothers let loose their tiny hooligans and glue their eyes to their iPhones. My polite, friendly, small-for-her-age toddler doesn't stand a chance against some of those beasts. It's not like I'd put someone else's kid in a time-out or beat the ass of a deserving mini-thug, but I will point a finger and say in a slightly-too-loud, stern voice, "Watch it!" I will also follow that up with a distasteful look at the mother in case my tone caused her to look up to see what sort of trouble her future criminal has gotten himself into now.
I haven't asked Amy if it bothers her if I discipline her children. (I didn't even tell her I was posting this.) I don't think she requires my assistance and I don't think her children require additional discipline. As I said, it's reflexive, and I don't plan to stop.
