Working Mom Guilt: Dr. Phil Says You Shouldn't Have It

I don't have working mom guilt. I choose to work and that is the best decision for my family. A couple months ago, I attended a taping of a Dr. Phil show on the subject. As he so lovingly put up on the graphics, it was really "Stay at Home vs. Working Moms" with Jessica Gottlieb representing the stay-at-home moms with the opinion that if you can't stay home with your children, you shouldn't have them.

Romi Lassally summed it up nicely on Huffington Post:

Basically, Jessica equates the hiring of a babysitter, or use of a daycare facility for the kids with the hiring of a surrogate (a hooker perhaps?) for the husband. While this is an interesting concept...it's just dead wrong. Working, or staying home full time is [sic] not be the litmus test by which we evaluate the quality of love a mother has for her kids. There are plenty of full time moms who aren't that loving and probably just as many working moms who love with a vengeance.

I responded to Jessica's post about her appearance:

I was in that audience on the Working Moms side. I choose to work and I don’t feel guilty about it. I don’t miss my children’s milestones. If my daughter giggles for the first time at daycare, she is also going to do it for me later, when I get home from work. Our wonderful daycare provider is not raising my children for me, she is simply caring for them for part of their day. They thrive under her expert care in ways I doubt they would at home with me all day. They are appropriately bonded and attached to me and their father. And I am certainly a much happier person for being able to use my talents on daily basis in a way that makes us a lot of money that gives us opportunities we wouldn’t otherwise have.

One thing that I posted about when Sarah Palin first appeared and was getting so much heat for her choices about work and family, is that some women CAN do it all. Some women are more capable than others when it comes to balancing their lives. Some women can simply do more than others can.

One thing you asked during the show was something like, “You wouldn’t outsource making love to your husband, so why would you outsource mothering your children?” I laughed when you said that because, honestly, if I could get a girl in to take care of the blowjobs, I would.

She responded to me thusly:

Not “making love to your husband”, just “loving him”.

I’m sorry you don’t enjoy marriage or parenthood.

I showed surprising restraint in my follow-up response. You can read the rest on her site. Also, please note that my husband is holding auditions this weekend for the blowjob girl.

Comments

[Peeved Michelle]

I am not above getting a little thrill when I see myself on TV. I caught quite a few glimpses of myself on the show. Here is a screenshot that someone captured: http://www.zannel.com/viewupdate.htm?id=1Z8XS (That's me in the green shirt. My sister is on the left.)

[KtP]

I would kill for your cheekbones.

[Peeved Michelle]

KtP: I take them for granted.

[nicole]

I know of working mothers who do more than some stay at home moms who sit on their lazy asses all day and then can't even cook their kids a home-cooked meal. It's the individual, not how they choose to spend their time.

[leah]

I had no idea of the other website and the snarky response you got. I felt your comment was well informed, a great way to describe the ups of working mothers.

Certainly, the hostility in her response was unfounded. Your original comment didn't say anything about not enjoying your marriage or you kids.

Evidently she has no prior knowledge of the force of awesome that you really are. AND a mom who can do it all.

p.s. your restraint powers, can you teach that? I need some help.

[leah]

Looking further into the site, I sense hostility may be how she attracts readers.

[Jen14221]

You do look gorgeous in the screenshot. Lucky Bubba.
Also, Gottlieb's comment back to you was crazy! I know you were being snarky to her, do you think she was being snarky back?
I like how she whips people up into a frenzy with her writings and doesn't care how people respond to her. I'm too chicken to say exactly what I think most of the time on my own damn blog.

[Peeved Michelle]

Jen: If you go to her site and read our subsequent responses to each other you'll see why I don't think she was being snarky and I don't think she thought I was being snarky. Even though I was being snarky, my husband would still like to hold auditions for the blowjob girl.

[leah]

i'm very confused about the snarky.

[AmyAnne]

Geeze Nicole up there needs a chill pill. Or maybe she gets ratings based on hostility. Hehehe...

I'd like to add that this Gottlieb chick is weird. And hostile yes, but weird. I mean, if you REALLY love something. Like, willing to demean other people because they don't, love something. Wouldn't you want to make it at least sound attractive?

I am a stay at home mom (and yes sometimes I can't get off my lazy ass to make my kids a home cooked meal. I blame the bon bons ;-) and that chick made me want to look for a job. I kept thinking that she is the last woman I would want to have to spend every single day with. That much hostility just emanating off of her can not be good for her family's blood pressure.

In the comments about the show I also pointed out to her that she is a working mom, her rates are posted on her about me page, and she not only did she not post my comment, but she posted a 'warning' that she would not tolerate bad behavior on her blog. Weird huh?

Like I told Michelle, I'll not be adding to her traffic. I'll take someone like Dooce any day. She's logical. Gasp! Oh and compassionate. I'm glad she got all the air time and name dropping.

P.S. Ya Michelle, your cheekbones do freaking rock. Also your hair, but whatever, I'll not be easily found after you wake up with a shaved head.