This waiting for the baby to be born is a weird feeling. When I was pregnant with Kenna, I was in no hurry for her to be born. I wasn't sure if I was ready for the next part yet, so I was content to remain pregnant. Plus, I wasn't nearly as uncomfortable in the last few with Kenna as I am with this baby. So, when she came one day early, it seemed like it was exactly the right time.
This time, I was ready for the baby to be born a couple weeks ago. So, every day since then that she hasn't been born has been a little more difficult to get through than the day before. Now, it sort of feels like a game or a trial, like if I do the right combination of things then I can unlock the secret to starting labor. I tried walking; that didn't work. I tried sleeping a lot; that didn't work. I tried staying up too late and not getting enough sleep; that didn't work. I tried thinking about it, not thinking about it, feeling ready, not feeling ready; nothing has worked.
I've had three false starts so far. Contractions start, are evenly spaced, last long enough for me to get my hopes up, then fizzle out.
Today, two days after my due date, the rest of my mucus plug fell out. It is as disgusting as it sounds. Right this second, the baby is head-butting me in the cervix while kicking me in the ribs, and she has the hiccups. It is uncomfortable and painful in ways that you can't imagine unless it happens to you because how would you know what it feels like to having a squirming, living thing playing with your internal organs?
I am stuck in this limbo of anticipation. I don't want to do anything or get anything done. I just sit here, waiting for something to happen.
She has five days left before the doctor and I take matters into our own hands.
